I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
did i just pee glitter
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
