There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
