The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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