ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
