I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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