WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize