thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize