I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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