My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
