Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
