Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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