i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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