"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
