He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
