Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
