you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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