Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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