Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
