I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
