i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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