I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
