Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
