i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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