Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
