Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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