I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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