How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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