guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
