I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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