well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
