In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
