so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
