This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
