your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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