it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
