the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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