i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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