Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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