i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
