If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
