I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
