He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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