were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
