i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
