never play flip cup with pint glasses
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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