I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
