Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
