i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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