Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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