my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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