I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
