Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
