I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
