I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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