I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
