I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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