i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
