batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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