I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
