I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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