I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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