We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
