First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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