She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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