he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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