I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
