atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
