There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
