It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
