I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
