Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
