You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
