NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
