i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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